thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
