I wish I could punch you in the face.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
