I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
