Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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