YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Randomize
