You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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