im six kinds of drunk right now
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Randomize