I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
