I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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