i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
