Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize