So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
