I can tuck mytits in my pants
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
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