his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
