I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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