Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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