i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
