He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
