I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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