I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
