Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
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