i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
