spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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