fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
