yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
