Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
