after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize