and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
