I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Randomize
