ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
