youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
