last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
