i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
