How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just pynch a tree in the face
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
