Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
