You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
