I think I can smell my own vagina right now
either way he was missing a nipple.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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