It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I have peed in a lot of sinks
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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