Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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