i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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