Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
