And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
