if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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