dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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