apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
