I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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