I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
