i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
