I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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