Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Dignity is for republicans.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
