So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
