Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
