i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
