so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
