Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
