I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
