My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
