Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
