She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
