There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
