I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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