We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
