i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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