I hate your face
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
