I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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