it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
