i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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