In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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