My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
