i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
