Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
