there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
