Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
